Alone At 85, Now What?

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Hal Pollner, Jul 21, 2021.

  1. Don Alaska

    Don Alaska Supreme Member
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    So sorry to hear of your loss, @Hal Pollner . I have been dreading having to perhaps go through the same thing. We have always assumed that I would go before her, but things can happen in a moment that changes everything. I hope you can successfully navigate this, even without a rudder.
     
    #61
  2. Marie Mallery

    Marie Mallery Veteran Member
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    I think this is good advice.
     
    #62
  3. Dwight Ward

    Dwight Ward Veteran Member
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    I wonder if others experience the loss the way I do. They say it's supposed to get better every day, but I miss her as much today as the the day she left this world. Some days are hard.
     
    #63
  4. Al Amoling

    Al Amoling Veteran Member
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    QUOTE="Dwight Ward, post: 532620, member: 767"]I wonder if others experience the loss the way I do. They say it's supposed to get better ever

    day, but I miss her as much today as the the day she left this world. Some days are hard.[/QUOTE]
    Little off subject but my mom died in 1966 and one day in church in 90s I was asked about my mom and I lost it
     
    #64
  5. Faye Fox

    Faye Fox Veteran Member
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    I think we all deal with the death of a loved one differently. It has been 56 years since my first experience with the tragic death of a friend that was like a sister to me. 50 years since my baby and only child died and her father, my husband, committed sucide within minutes after she died. 50 years a widow and I still have "wounds that will not heal and a teardrop in my eye" which is a line in one of my story poems. It seems the older I get the more these wounds freshen. It must be part of getting old.
     
    #65
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  6. Dwight Ward

    Dwight Ward Veteran Member
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    These are hard things to live with. I can't think of anything to say except bless you, Faye.
     
    #66
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  7. Dwight Ward

    Dwight Ward Veteran Member
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    "I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

    Love of mine, someday you will die
    But I'll be close behind
    I'll follow you into the dark
    No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
    Just our hands clasped so tight
    Waiting for the hint of a spark

    In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
    I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
    I held my tongue as she told me
    "Son, fear is the heart of love"
    So I never went back

    You and me have seen everything to see
    From Bangkok to Calgary
    And the soles of your shoes
    Are all worn down
    The time for sleep is now
    But it's nothing to cry about
    'Cause we'll hold each other soon
    In the blackest of rooms

    If Heaven and Hell decide
    That they both are satisfied
    Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs
    If there's no one beside you
    When your soul embarks
    Then I'll follow you into the dark
    Then I'll follow you into the dark
     
    #67
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  8. Hal Pollner

    Hal Pollner Veteran Member
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    Judy has been gone for just 46 days, and I'm finding that Callie is too young, Stacey is too fat, and Lydia has confiscated my car keys.

    Not many options left for an 85-year-old, but I have a longshot cookin'...

    Hal
     
    #68
  9. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
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    So sorry Hal. Is there a relative or close friend that can help you out?
     
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  10. Hal Pollner

    Hal Pollner Veteran Member
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    Gloria, the only relative I have is my Daughter, who lives 2000 miles away in Chicago.

    We are currently discussing ways to get my life back in order again. She is the one who signed me up with my local Caregivers, at $700 per week.

    H.P.
     
    #70
  11. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    That stinks, buddy.

    I won't ask what that long shot is.
     
    #71
  12. Faye Fox

    Faye Fox Veteran Member
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    I am confused about how being too young or fat has anything to do with the caregiver's performance. I do understand about taking your car keys and maybe it was a mandate by your daughter in your best interest since you admit you do have dementia at times. Do you have caregivers in your home 24/7?

    You are never going to replace your wife with caregivers, even a dozen of them.

    I am glad you are discussing your future with your daughter.
     
    #72
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2021
  13. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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    Perhaps they do not have high aches. I mean, that is a preference of his.

    Hal, I do hope you and your daughter have a really good end game in mind. I think it would be nice if she could stay with you for a month in order to put things into a proper perspective but it is what it is.
    Chin up Amigo, you seem to be weathering things as well as can be expected.
     
    #73
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  14. Hoot Crawford

    Hoot Crawford Veteran Member
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    Hal - Please continue to include your daughter in your decision making process.
     
    #74
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  15. Ed Wilson

    Ed Wilson Veteran Member
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    When my uncle was about your age he was in a similar situation. His son was in another part of PA and his daughter in CA. He chose to move to an elder care home in CA to be near his daughter so she could visit and he would have care as well.
     
    #75

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