Perusing through the posts I thought to myself, "This is weird but strangely normal". Not the proposed relationship but the weird idea that people outside of a new relationship can influence things in such a way as to improve the relationship. Like I wrote, weird but normal. No one can determine what kind of box in which to place a new couple in although it seems to be accepted as a part of some sort of job for people to do. Let them build their own box. One they can feel secure in and one they will feel most happy in. Not one that is built by someone else whose design is probably much different than theirs. If the box breaks and they cannot repair it, be there with some fresh wood and nails for one or both of them to build anew.
This is all true what you are saying here. But, what wife and I are going by is, with the discussions he had with us, that came before he even got back together with this gal was: He loved to drink while watching NASCAR or NFL. He never went to church. He never wanted, or sought, a relationship for years. His words, "I can't afford a relationship", of which I think was a simple cop-out. In fact, we even know that he went to strip clubs quite often. Not saying any of this can't be changed, but he will laugh to me on the phone when talking about her reading a book while he's watching NASCAR or football. Really wonder how he's handling the "no drinking in my home or around me" thing this girl has made very clear to him. He loved to drink on Sunday's, period. The thing we absolutely don't like, is that he is basically dropping his family and taking hers. We don't know what he has told her about his family, but guess her family is more "family" related than his. He doesn't even want any of his family to know his address, which means we can't send him/her a Christmas present. As far as we are concerned, this all sucks!! But, nothing we can do about it.
Yes there is my friend. You can and should pray it through not only for them but for yourselves as well. Perhaps wisdom for them, and patience and peace for you. A Christian has a powerful set of tools, use them.
Cody....I can understand you and your wife are probably going through a grieving process in a way...in that you feel you've lost the brother you thought you knew, and someone else with different policies has taken their place, and also has taken a decision to adopt a different family, or at least allow himself to be adopted by them at the expense of you and his sister. It could be that in the first flush of romance...and this can last a while, he is all consumed by this new love and all the changes that it has brought to his life...changes he himself may have not thought were possible at his time of life. He may have believed that he was past caring about living with or being involved in any deep caring relationship until he gave this one another try all these years later. it could also be that he feels that by keeping it to himself without any outside influences ( his family), that he stands a better chance of making it work. You've said yourself you're a man who says what he thinks, and it could be that he's afraid you may mention something to her or her family about his previous lifestyle that he would rather have kept private...therefore by keeping you away , and with no contact details..he minimizes that risk. I'm only surmising, so please don't take offence... but it is a possibility. He's clearly still communicating with you some other way so at least he's not severed all contact..that's got to be a blessing!!
Thing is, he had an argument with her, over the phone, a couple of months before he moved in and was still living in Florida. The argument was over her cell phone going dead due to her grandkids playing games on it. She didn’t have her phone charger with her when she was at her daughters. He kept trying to call and text her, with no response. He was worried about a Tornado Warning that was near her. When he found out her grandkids killed the battery and she forgot her charger, he was upset, pretty upset. He never had to deal with young kids before. We were the first people he called to express how upset he had gotten. We are wondering what’s going to happen when they have their first quarrel while he’s living there. Everything seems to be really “lovey dovey” right now, but later. Guess, time will tell.
This is what I think too @Cody Fousnaugh and I'm sure both of you miss him being where y'all are too. No matter what he has said in the past it is clear from him moving to be with her, that he wants to give this relationship a try and I know you can understand that it's really no fun being alone in life. I am hoping he finds happiness with this lady that he cared enough about her to move and be with her and give their a relationship a chance. I also hope that when he's secure in everything he will want y'all back in his life too....and that y'all will open your hearts to this too.
To be honest, Babs, he hasn’t been close to anyone in the family since their mother past a few years ago. He even told us, “mom kept the family together and meeting in Vegas once a year. When he lived here in Florida, the only time of the year he’d call us was to wish me a Happy Veterans Day. We’d have to call him for the other holidays. Heck, he wouldn’t even call to thank us for Christmas gifts we sent him. We’d have to call him. He wanted to leave Florida, period. Told us it was to expensive where he was. So, we can’t be having any “withdrawal” feelings about some who really didn’t want anything to do with us in the first place.
I certainly can understand what he means when he told y'all that. My Mom has been gone for over 12 years and each year I see my siblings and I drifting further apart too even though her dying wish for us was for us to stay close even after she was gone. The first few years after her death my five sisters and I spent a week together each year on the beach in a Florida Condo which we all would chip in to pay for. I don't know why we didn't ask our 3 brothers if they wanted to come too...maybe one of my sisters did and they couldn't take off of work or something. Anyway, we sisters did our best to stay close as Mom wished. But this has changed too for all of us even though I know we love each other very much still and would do our best to be there for one another in time of need. Life has gotten so hectic for all of us with grown children and grandchildren and some of my family still works outside their homes, etc. Throw in the aging part which we all are experiencing too and the health problems that start coming along with this...and it's no wonder we just can't get together like we wish we could. Heck, most of my siblings have moved to Florida, Texas, and Georgia too which wasn't the case before Mom died either. So distance adds another reason why we can't get together as often as we used to also. From everything you have been saying Cody your brother has been lonely but didn't think that could change for him....but it did and I pray he has found some happiness and love like you and your wife have together. I know you want that for him and I'm sure your wife does too. This World can be a cold and lonely place when you are all by yourself in it...or even if it just feels like that is the way it is for a person. @Bobby Cole had a wonderful suggestion in suggesting prayers for your BIL's happiness. I think that's the best thing anyone can do for someone they love and want the best for. I hope you understand that none of us means to offend you with anything we have said Cody. We just are all hoping your BIL and his lady will find joy and happiness together.
Babs, there is a difference between being lonely and choosing to be alone. Believe it or not, he’s chose to be alone, until this old girlfriend came into the picture. Another thing I knew, and he admitted, after spending a few days with her (staying at her apt. and NOT sleeping on her couch) earlier this year, was just how much he really had missed sex/bed partner. Yes, he told me that. We’ll just see how things go.
Well, miracles never cease to amaze me! Just talked to BIL and he is at............the local zoo with his girlfriend and grandson. Interesting, very interesting. But, GREAT!!
What great news Cody! I hope they are all having a wonderful time. I'm waiting for it to get cool enough over here so I can go with my grandkids to the zoo too.
Sounds like he really likes/loves this woman and maybe he's actually enjoying this different way of life for him.
I made a mistake in my last post, It’s her grandson and his girlfriend is ther with them. NOT a school class thing, like I thought he told me. Anyway, he sent us a picture of the grandson and her at the zoo. I was really kind of shocked about that (sending us pictures). Only pictures we have of her are from high school. Looks like the guy is really turning into a “family man” and isn’t ignoring us after all. Good for him!!!!