Groan

Discussion in 'Make Me Laugh' started by Sir Walter Pasty, Dec 1, 2018.

  1. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay, they'd be called bagels!
     
    #316
  2. John West

    John West Very Well-Known Member
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    For those with a felt need to groan a lot or who have forgotten all the golden oldies:

    Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

    Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

    Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death.

    A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

    Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

    Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

    When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

    In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

    She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

    With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

    The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

    You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

    Every calendar's days are numbered.

    A lot of money is tainted - taint yours and taint mine.

    A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

    Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done.
     
    #317
  3. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    Q. Do old skeptics ever die?
    A. There is no conclusive evidence either way, yet their future is doubtful.
     
    #318
  4. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    I met a microbiologist the other day.
    He was bigger than I expected.
     
    #319
  5. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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  6. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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    There’s stuff that makes me groan and then there’s stuff that is sooooo stoooopid that a mere groan just isn’t enough.

    Anyone for reading the directions before using their rice cooker?
    AE60F468-2753-45B1-97D5-8C7CF2CC23C5.jpeg

    If all else fails, use the fire extinguisher to fill up your tires. 80AD859E-985E-4A02-9999-D4601564D85A.jpeg

    Always wondered why tire rims were made that way……

    0F84BAFB-B10D-47BD-AEAB-2F39491033A0.jpeg
     
    #321
  7. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
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  8. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    That's most likely in response to a lawsuit over a damaged washing machine.
     
    #323
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  9. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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  10. Joe Smith

    Joe Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    [​IMG]

    Priceless.
     
    #325
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  11. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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  12. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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  13. Louise Miller

    Louise Miller Supreme Member
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    it took this old lady a few minutes for her remark to set in,, Hilarious!! still laughing,, icon_lol.gif
     
    #328
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  14. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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    Just something duh (or maybe double duh) to groan about.

    I was listening to Big Bill Broonsy as he sung the original version of Jimmy Crack Corn. It was a YouTube production and only had a picture of Brooney with his guitar whilst the music played in the background.

    The groan part was found in one of the comments:
    “How does he sing without moving his lips??? (yes, with three question marks).
     
    #329
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  15. John West

    John West Very Well-Known Member
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    Pirate walks into a ear piercing parlor and asks how much it costs to get an ear pierced.

    The ear piercer replies. "Hey its a buck an ear"
     
    #330

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