Hubby's house is in a hillside subdivision about 40 years old. I can say hi to any number of people and wave to all of them here. My next door neighbor's grand daughter kept wanting to have her take her to see the inside of people's houses. I told her, I would not like it if people just dropped by to check out my house. I have INVITED them over sometimes when I was in the mood but not at their curiosity. I'm just grumpy. I have noticed, living in suburbs mostly, that people don't want to get too close to most of their neighbors. Neighbors are good if you need help and it is reciprocated. But most don't want the neighborhood knowing their day to day business. That is what friends and family are for--to check out when you didn't get your dishes done this morning.
Seems like, the larger the population, the less friendly. It's definitely not in my personality to be less friendly, but today........... However, if a person lives around others that share the same interests, that, in itself, definitely help when it comes to friendliness.
I just love Sen. Kennedy. He cuts right to the problem. I have a theory on why people are, or appear, less friendly in the suburbs and it is garages with door openers. I know that I always open the door as I approach and sail right into the garage. If my next-door neighbor is out in the yard I will usually come out and talk but I don't do that for any other neighbors. The door goes down while I'm still in the car. Back in the days when the garage was too full of bikes and other assorted kid and yard stuff to get a car in it we had to stop in the driveway and that's when the neighbors talked, want to or not.
I haven't had the experience of being new in a small town as an adult. We did move to a very small town when I was 3 yrs. old but I had no clue what was going on. I do remember some little girls that I played with though so someone must have talked to us. But, I think your theory is valid. Fitting into any established small group takes time and can be challenging, whether it's a book club, a neighborhood social group or even an online forum. It's actually easier I think when the social groups are larger.
We'd have absolutely no problem fitting into a group that discussed professional rodeo, farming or even ranching. We know enough about all three.
I don't spend any time thinking about whether I am "too friendly." I am who I am, and if people don't like it they are free to move along. As a rule I don't bother strangers unless they approach me first. As far as changing one's personality, I'm not sure that's possible though you could make a conscious effort to try to not be so annoying. You obviously realize when you are aggravating someone so just stop.
Me "annoying" or "aggravating", absolutely no way!! Thank God my wife doesn't see those two in me. Then again, she's much different than you or Krystal.
My father was a friendly and outgoing person. He would strike up conversations with strangers and ask them a lot of questions. Some my mother and I thought were none of his business. Asking a lot of questions worked for him. It shows people you are interested in them. But you have to know the boundaries. And the boundaries depend on who you are asking. Everyone liked my father. He made a lot of friends wherever they lived, until my parents moved to rural Georgia. He could never make friends out there. Maybe because my parents didn't go to church. Gossip spreads out there like wildfire, and the stories change slightly each time they are told. Some rumors about me would get back to me. (I had security cameras all through the woods. I lived in Atlanta. My arms were covered with thick black hair. ) And.... "Her father is not a very nice person." . .
I've often wondered why no one has backhanded me. I'll strike up conversations with anyone, anywhere. Maybe one or two people seemed to be a little put off, but the vast majority understand friendly intent. I was at Bob Evans one night circa 2005 and struck up a conversation with the folks in the booth next to me (actually, out of the blue the older woman asked me if I spoke Polish.) It turns out that her sister worked for my father back in the early 60s, a full 40 years earlier.
I bet the same applies in the New England states, where everyone can trace their ancestors back to the nation's founding.