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Is There A Family Resemblance?

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Ina I. Wonder, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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    I have posted my mom on here and I don't look like her.

    image.jpg
     
    #16
  2. Mari North

    Mari North Veteran Member
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    I definitely see it... but a little differently than the rest of the answers here. I see a strong resemblance in the first three people (@Ina I. Wonder 's pics, I mean) but not so much the last... facial structure mostly. Maybe if Ina hadn't been giving that big beautiful smile, it would be more noticeable? Or maybe I need new eyes, but I have a Native American grandmama a few generations back and it was very noticeable through my Grandma... not so much starting at my Daddy's generation and none of it with me. :(
     
    #17
  3. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Supreme Member
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    Ok, @Mari North picked up on it, and it is time to fess up. I haven't been writing much lately because I've had three grandchildren stay with me for spring break. At least not at the same time. Houston is so large that spring break is set for different times for the different school districts.

    Cynthia, (the fourth picture), spent three days with me, and it's the first time since she was about eight. Cynthia is not my biological granddaughter. Her mother, Gina, is my second step daughter, who married my oldest son in 1983. They had a son, Seth, and daughter, D'Ann. The third picture is my granddaughter D'Ann, and the older half sister to Cynthia. Cynthia knows they have different fathers, but her mother never explained that I am not her biological grandmother, and Cynthia doesn't know the real relationship about her mother's first marriage.

    I have tried to explain to my step daughter Gina that if she doesn't straighten out this misconception, that Cynthia is going to be very angry when she does figure things out. I've told Gina that if Cynthia asks me directly, I'll not lie to her, and if pushed I'll tell her of the true relationship.

    I think Cynthia might subconsciously be beginning to suspect something is not kosher. The way she stares at my mother, my, and D'Ann's pictures as she applies her makeup worries me. My measurements of the first three pictures do show the family resemblance, but Cynthia's are different of course.

    So I apologize for the deception, but I wanted to see if others could see what I think Cynthia is beginning to suspect. I love this child no less than any of my other grandchildren, and I'm worried about her state of mind when she does figure it out.

    What would you do?
     
    #18
  4. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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    So pic 1 and 4 aren't related?? I'm confused?

    But in any case, sometimes there just isn't any resemblance in families, so she really can't go by that alone.

    My 2 oldest grandsons are biological brothers but look nothing alike....NOTHING! They are like night and day.

    I wouldn't bring anything up, but I wouldn't lie if asked either. If she's old enough to understand of course. Maturity wise not age wise.
     
    #19
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  5. Mari North

    Mari North Veteran Member
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    Ooooh, I was right! Thought I may have been losing my touch. :D You asked what we'd do, @Ina I. Wonder ... personally (and I am different when it comes to some things) .... personally I would keep pushing (but gently!) Gina to tell Cynthia the truth. The girl deserves to know her own DNA... her own ancestors... it's her heritage. It's the only thing that's truly hers alone... and you're right, she will be very hurt by the deception all this time.

    Which is why... I'd be sure Gina tells her and I wouldn't want to get embroiled in it myself. It could upset both of them if you step in.. maybe? That's a bold statement since I don't know any of them personally, but I do think it's up to her mother to tell her who she really is, and face the consequences for having kept it from her.

    I'd add to be prepared for Cynthia's anger and probably lashing out... and for Gina's reaction of probably the same, because she'll probably think you shouldn't have pushed her to tell the truth if it ends up with Cynthia being so angry... but really, who wouldn't be? I'd feel as if if my life had been a lie if I didn't even know who I was all my life.

    Maybe there will be other views here, though... I'm not a "let sleeping dogs lie" person, but in some cases, it probably has merit. And then there's the health and medical issues that could be a nightmare for Cynthia ... her family medical history. These are things I feel we are all entitled to. Others may disagree.
     
    #20
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  6. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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    I didn't find out until I was married that my father had a first wife, but only for short time because she died young so only married a year. I didn't care about this secret. Don't know why it was a secret.
     
    #21
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  7. Ruby Begonia

    Ruby Begonia Supreme Member
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    #22
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  8. Ruby Begonia

    Ruby Begonia Supreme Member
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    Beautiful!
     
    #23
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  9. Von Jones

    Von Jones Supreme Member
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    @Ina I. Wonder. I can relate to your position. When my grandson came to me with questions about his brothers and sisters he said,'Dad said that he will tell me when I get older but I want to know now." I explained to him what he wanted to know until he understood and I told him, "What I told you is for you only not for discussion with anyone else."

    Trust is so important to children when they want to know things. If children go around with all these unanswered questions about themselves or family there is bound to be some affect on them. I feel my grandson came to me because he trusts me to tell him the truth and knowing that he might get the same answer he received from his dad.
     
    #24
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  10. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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    Thank you, Ruby! That beautiful woman (inside and out) is still in the hospital but have had some good news recently. She's still on the vent but can go a little longer now without it on or whatever they do to wean.
     
    #25
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  11. Denise Evans

    Denise Evans Supreme Member
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    I wish I had some age-appropriate photos, like each of us at the same age. I have all the family photos, but I would neat to get in them and sort, at long last. Maybe one day:) I think my mom must have looked way more like gran-dad. I'll have to find his pic and compare;)
     
    #26
  12. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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    It's hard to see resemblances sometimes if the ages are different. With my youngest grandsons, it seems they always change. Sometimes I'll think one of them looks like my son did when he was small, a year later he looks like his mom in her baby pics.
     
    #27
  13. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Supreme Member
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    When my son, ER, die I took on raising his children, D'Ann and Seth for several years. ER and Gina had divorced about three years earlier, and Gina wanted some freedom, so I got the kids.

    Gina remarried and had Cynthia several years later, but when Cynthia was about eight she started to ask questions as all children do about who was who, and how those people were related to her. That was when I tried to explain to Gina that she needed to explain the situation to Cynthia. But I didn't push the point, because I felt it was her place to do so.

    That was when Gina and I became estranged. Her new husband decided that Gina and ER had had an incestuous relationship. They were not raised together, and didn't even meet until ER's 16 birthday, and Gina was 17.

    Now Gina is divorced again, and running the bars, which leaves Cynthia on her own quite a bit. Cynthia is almost 17 and is driving her own car, and she seems to be finding herself at my house more and more.

    That is why I'm worried about her questions at this point. I try never to lie, and especially concerning my family. I don't want to hurt Cynthia or Gina, but I don't want to contribute to the falsehood either. I too think Cynthia deserves the truth, I don't know how to address the problem without hurting someone.
     
    #28
  14. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    My daughter Robin looks a whole lot like my mother did when they were close to the same ages. I didn't look a lot like my mom when I was younger; but I can see more resemblance between her older pictures, and pictures of me that are more recent.
    Both of my boys looked almost the same when they were young, and in some of the pictures, we had to be sure which boy was actually in the picture.
    Since they were 4 years apart in ages, when they were together, the resemblance was not as close as when we looked at separate pictures of them at any given age.

    Here is a picture that shows my mother and Robin in their late 20's-early 30's, and also a picture of me that I think shows the family resemblance, too.
    image.jpeg image.jpeg
     
    #29
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  15. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Supreme Member
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    @Yvonne Smith , the different genetics that come with each generations add a bit or a lot of difference in a family's lines. In my family I see at least three different types of features. All three of you are different, but in a group of people I would be able to see the family link. Sometimes you can even see how to people's features blend into their offsprings.

    What do you think I should do concerning Cynthia? Continue the Lie, Tell her to ask someone else, (her mother isn't telling her anything she doesn't have to),? Or tell her the truth?
     
    #30

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