Absolutely right. My parents never struck us, either. One "look" from my mom and everyone knew the drill.
Yes, your ex was in the Navy (Officer or Enlisted?), but some will say that a person has to be "in" a Service to really understand the discipline involved, like going thru Basic Training. Actually, Navy Enlisted Basic Training is really easy compared to Basic Training in the Army or Marines...…….where a Drill Instructor can (will) get right in the face of a Recruit and yell at them.
Common courtesy at all times was enforced and punctuality. My father was a nut about the latter. We were often lectured about people's time being as valuable as yours, if not more so, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. As a result, I have always been quite early for appointments. Other than that, my parents taught us common sense and while I enraged them on occasion, I never received corporeal punishment nor did my siblings. Sadly, the punctuality has not fallen on my son's shoulders. As much as I tried to enforce this, he's still a last minute joe.
As a southern kid, manners were a huge thing along with responding to adults with "ma'am" and "sir." Although I don't recall any rules about those things... we just learned by example. My parents were humble and unassuming people, which I suppose is part of why I despise the current social atmosphere of selfies and self-absorbed people.
As I said the fear of parents not allowing me to be with my cousin was all it took to do the right things we were as one almost 15 years growing up, I went into the Army she went to drugs and it killed her. Part of me also. My family was military disciplined US and German(uncle). Mother was always worried I would marry my cousin later in life. One huge reason I am so anti drugs for anyone.
I never really was given any rules. I found out what was expected only after I had done the opposite, and that was done both with force and vigor. Smoking was one along with staying out too late.
Well, both my parents smoked so that was not an issue, except that age to do so was. However, my mother was an absolute maniac about curfew. If you were so much as one second after 10 or 11 pm, WWIII was the order of the day with total Armageddon. No negotiating there. And I defied it constantly.