Kind of a quiet Sunday. My husband was gone all day, seeing about his mom and then helping his sister with funeral arrangements. I talked to my sister-in-law on the phone and we had a sob-fest; she is so broken right now. It hurts me to hear how devastated she is. David will be buried next to his younger brother who died over 20 years ago. I got a bit more housecleaning done today; mopped the upstairs bathrooms and took a swipe at cleaning toilets, vanities, etc. Also managed a load of laundry but those stairs are getting to me. I have discovered standing next to the railing upstairs and throwing dirty clothes down works just fine. (Haven't figured out how to get clean laundry back UP, but maybe I'll rig a basket on a rope or something.) So not much of a Father's Day, but I'll grill steaks for my hubby tomorrow. I think Father's Day has been the last thing on his mind today.
@Beth Gallagher - like the avatar Beth. Maybe put clean clothes in a bin made of cardboard and cloth, punch a hole in one end, add a rope. Drag them upstairs?
The basket and rope idea does actually work, and I remember using that very method many years ago, @Beth Gallagher . My mom and dad had an old hotel, where they lived and ran the hotel. My mom kept everything, and that included the newspapers that came every day. My dad wanted to get rid of some of the older ones, but he know that my mom would have fits if she saw him carrying them downstairs. (She saved them in a third floor room, so I am sure that my dad had to carry them all upstairs, too) Anyway, one day when Mom was taking a nap, he called me to come outside of the back of the hotel, and he had rigged up a laundry basket with a rope, and he would send down a basket full of newspapers, and I would unload the basket and then put the papers in the back of my dad’s old Scout, so he could haul them off and get rid of them. The idea worked really well, and I think that it would work for you, too ! You could use it for getting the clothes downstairs, too, and not have to toss them all down the stairs. Just lower the basket over the railing with the laundry, and after it is washed and dried, put it back in the basket and pull it back up again.
Thanks for the tips on getting stuff up the stairs, y'all. Right now I feel like I need to keep chugging as long as I can. I'd like to do more physical movement but I get out of breath so easily these days.
I decided to make one of those "magic crust" pies; coconut custard that makes its own crust. I used to make those all the time since my husband loves custard and I'm certainly not adverse to it. (Anytime I don't have to make a pie crust is a win.) So it's cooling on the counter right now while I cruse "Prime Day" for more deals.
Thursday already, which means the clock is ticking on next Tuesday and my 3rd AC treatment. If I could only convey the total dread I feel, like being dragged to a torture chamber. I honestly don't know if I can bear these final two treatments. If I thought my life would depend on this type of treatment from now on, I'd be signing up for palliative care tomorrow. This is no way to live. ************* In other news, I'm in a quandary about a dear friend. She has had Parkinson's for probably 20 years and has mostly had it under control after several bad experiences with various drugs. In the past 2 years she is definitely declining and has suffered many falls, two of the falls resulting in emergency surgeries and months in the hospital/rehab. She lives alone after being divorced from an abusive man years ago, so her friends and family are always concerned about her well being, and check on her daily. She is currently in a rehab unit after another fall in May, and surgery on her spine. She has three sisters who have been very good about checking on her daily as well as taking care of her home and her cats. She called me last night, sobbing so that I couldn't understand her. Apparently the sisters have decided that she needs to be in an assisted living environment and are making arrangements to set that up. My friend is furious with her sisters and feels that they are "ganging up" on her. She does not want to give up her home. Honestly, I pretty much agree with her sisters because it's obvious that my friend is no longer able to live on her own. I want to support her, because she is devastated at what she views as a loss of her independence. The sisters want to sell her car and most of her possessions, too. This makes me so sad, but I do understand. They have been caring for my friend for the last 2 years, putting some of their own retirement plans on hold to help care for her. This is a sad situation, but I tried to explain to her that assisted living is not a "nursing home" and that she might actually learn to like it. I also told her that unless the sisters have power of attorney, they can't force her to do anything. I'm kind of at a loss here, but it made me think of how many older people eventually have to make hard decisions (or have those decisions made by others) and lose control of their own lives.
So much to say about this stuff. And there's so much about modern life (American culture?) that is antithetical to how we are meant to live. I guess in the end, there is a price to pay for a lifetime of "freedom" and eschewing a life of mutual dependency. From your friend's perspective, it doesn't sound like she's ever had much freedom at all. Once the shock of the moment wears off (along with the finality of "you ain't coming back home"), I wonder what she rationally thinks is in the best interest of her health.
I believe it's the loss of control of our own destiny/life that is the most devastating. My friend has always been so beautiful and full of life; it's difficult for me to see her like this and not be able to do anything to help her.
From what you are telling us, it sounds like assisted living might be a good thing for her, in the long run. You stated that she has had falls and then has to spend months with hospital/rehab. If she were in assisted living, she would probably have been able to return home and not spend the time in a care facility like she has been having to do. I can appreciate that she doesn't want to leave her home, but if she already needs help to live there, and the situation is only going to get worse, I think that she should move now while she can get an apartment like Lon Tanner has. That way, she still has her own little “home”, but won’t need her family to take care of her. In that way, she would be able to be more independent than she is right now. I think that showing her the facility so that she can envision herself living there would help, too; because she is probably remembering her times in the rehab facility. Once she sees the benefits, it might hep her to feel better about the move.
That is pretty much what I tried to tell her, but I have to tread lightly because she is looking to me for support when right now she believes her sisters have abandoned her. I tried to tell her that "assisted living" is not the same as a nursing home... I think she is convinced she will be in a urine-smelling dank place and parked in a wheelchair alone in a dark hallway, or mistreated by workers. I told her to get me the name of the facility they are considering and I will "investigate" as much as I can to see what goes on there.
Beth, just now read about your nephew David. I am so very sorry for the loss of your nephew. It is shocking.