The Road Less Traveled

Discussion in 'Personal Diaries' started by Charlene Marolf, Jun 15, 2021.

  1. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    you've been thru lots of traumatic events....
    having those grandchildren will help ease the hurt and loss...
    they need you too..
    many blessings to you and your family
     
    #16
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  2. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Thanks Teresa, you are very kind. And well said that the grandchildren do help.
     
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  3. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    I didn't realize the Y is open today. I think some walking will do some good.
     
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  4. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    We've got our way mapped out for our Great American Road Trip, Part 2. I'm glad that's done. Now there's motel rooms to schedule, and a car rental. Things are expensive.

    At least this trip hopefully isn't as expensive as the last one was.

    I think it's cool that we will be gone on our birthdays again. Last year was celebrated in Hell's Kitchen in Las Vegas. It's going to be hard to top that, but I'm sure we'll do something nice.
     
    #19
  5. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
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    Your trip sounds wonderful, Charlene. I'm dreaming of the day that my hubby and I can get back in the RV and head out someplace. When are you leaving?
     
    #20
  6. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    ahh Beth you're so nice. We did take the trip, and it was wonderful. I could say so much about it! I'll just add the highlights-we saw Stephen King and went on a whale watch boat.

    I guess I decided to come back and post because I needed a moment to boohoo and feel sorry for myself. This is a nice forum and I like the diary option, so here I am. It's gloomy here, and we're supposed to have snow. I do believe that's the excitement for today.

    Over and out.
     
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  7. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
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    Charlene!! So nice to "see" you. Your trip sounds like a fun time. Glad you decided to come back; this is a nice place to pass some time. Hope you're keeping warm.
     
    #22
  8. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Beth, it really has been very cold this winter. We've had a lot of ice this way, but luckily we don't seem to have a terrible amount of bad weather. I hope you're staying warm yourself.

    I suppose I should go eat some cookies now. I could do that, or complain about something. Cookies seem like a much more pleasant option....
     
    #23
  9. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    It's been so gloomy here. Literally and figuratively, as they say.

    I now feel prepared to go on a rant. Rather than yelling at people around me, I need to find somewhere I can express myself, and this seems a safe place to do just that. It's good for a person to just barf up their feelings, whether they make sense or not.

    I feel rather abandoned by my children right now. Put in a box, stored in a corner. They're busy, I understand that. I think a big part of my annoyance is that I come from an age where older family members were honored, treated with respect, looked up to. I am not. I grew up celebrating holidays, had get-togethers or just a meal at grandparents' houses, and we children ran around with each other while the adults visited or fussed over the food. Grandma was always included even if she wasn't able to participate in any interaction. She was there.

    I'm not that old, barely early retirement age, but I'm not included in anyone's life, except occasionally thrown into a family function. We were a close family when I was raising my children. VERY close, so I'm very puzzled now. I know I'm supposed to take the situation into my own hands if I don't like the way things stand, and I've considered doing just that, but it seems pushy. I'm the type that doesn't want to intrude. I don't want to be there if I'm not wanted. I've always stepped aside, especially when my feelings are hurt. They are. And I'm really mad.

    I've tried to let this go, but I'm so upset. I suppose that's the reason for the change in our family. I'm just so dang unhappy. I try to get past this, and it bothers me so much. It is not what I wanted out of life. I don't know if I did something bad, offensive, or if this is just the way it's supposed to be. It's certainly not the way I imagined.

    I've been advised to just talk to one of my children. Maybe I should, but I really don't know where to begin or what to say. I think I would end up as a blubbering mess. I foresee a cold response to whatever I say. I'm scared of breaking down relationships rather than making things better like I want to. I'm not the greatest communicator. Ha. I can type all day and spit out words pretty well, but have no voice. Talking is the way to go, but all I do is stick my foot in my mouth.

    So, that's me and my unhappy mess. I'm just sad. I've made my family mad and I don't know how, or how to fix it.
     
    #24
  10. Al Amoling

    Al Amoling Veteran Member
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    You're not alone in all of this.......Your words could have been written by me. we had five(2 are dead) who generate 14....Of those 14 I hear from 2 on a pretty regular basis even tho they live in PA and Texas....I hear from one other one at Christmas if I'm lucky.
     
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  11. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    Oh wow. Thank you for reading what I wrote. I lost one of my children as well. I've had a hard time with that.

    It's a pretty tough spot to be in, huh? I'm trying to deal, having it happen so suddenly has made it a lot harder. It's not what I expected at all.
     
    #26
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  12. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    It's gloomy again today. Spank got the sound bar working on the tv. That's the big excitement for the day.
     
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  13. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    so heartbreaking hon...i understand ...sad to say...
    anyway...i say the serenity prayer...in my heart....then it's easier for me to let it go...hugs
     
    #28
  14. Charlene Marolf

    Charlene Marolf Very Well-Known Member
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    that's so kind of you. the Serenity prayer sounds so nice, and it's a beautiful thought. I should think of that myself. I do have good moments and bad. It really is a hard situation to deal with.

    I was thinking about this earlier today. I think what has made the issue so much harder is the fact that for so long my sons told me that I was so wonderful. One told me, on an occasion that he was angry at me, that I was treated like a queen. That really is true. It's hard to go from being treated like a queen to feeling like such an outsider.

    I guess it would be easier if I had other people. I've tried to impress upon my family that they are the only people I have. No other family, no friends, no one. It's my spouse and I, my two sons and their family. I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I doubt I am, but it sure feels that way.

    Poor, pitiful me.
     
    #29
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  15. Teresa Levitt

    Teresa Levitt Veteran Member
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    it's a journey to accept what our lives are...when we see so many with family....friends....
    sometimes those deep connections are unreachable...although we try...the older we are..the harder it is to develop new ones...
    "Forge ahead and thru it"...got to!
     
    #30
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