What Is The Best Way To Lose A Friend?

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Ken Anderson, Jul 8, 2023.

  1. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    24,402
    Likes Received:
    42,836
    What is the best way to lose a friend? Feel free to interpret the question however you like, or expand on it.
     
    #1
  2. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    22,873
    Likes Received:
    32,553
    The most common way is for one of you to get into a relationship. Goodbye, placeholder! ;) I don't know if that's "losing" as opposed to "leaving behind." I've found that this is a frequent way that single people lose friends.

    I've never lost a friend due to some huge irreconcilable blow-out. We just seem to drift apart. Phone calls and visits stop, and that's all there is to it. But I've never had close friends where we get together often to do stuff, other than weekly racquetball and stuff like that.
     
    #2
    Don Alaska likes this.
  3. Tony Nathanson

    Tony Nathanson Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2023
    Messages:
    873
    Likes Received:
    1,730
    Any type of betrayal works for me.
     
    #3
  4. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    24,402
    Likes Received:
    42,836
    True enough, friends tend to drift apart once one of them gets into a serious relationship or marries. While the friendship might survive, it will never be the same. Moving away is another good way to lose a friend. I still have people who I consider to be friends, and who I have contact with online or through text messages, but it's not like we're ever going to be going out for coffee again. Other than that, betrayal is a good way to lose a friend.
     
    #4
  5. Thomas Stillhere

    Thomas Stillhere Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2021
    Messages:
    1,968
    Likes Received:
    3,640
    Getting older and people have a family and new friends. Decades go by and it is never the same and few accept you as you are today. I had a normal fun upbringing and my total friend group was completely gone by 1980. I left and never returned until decades more passed and by then all had moved away.
     
    #5
    Marie Mallery and John Brunner like this.
  6. Mary Robi

    Mary Robi Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2018
    Messages:
    1,570
    Likes Received:
    3,811
  7. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    22,873
    Likes Received:
    32,553
    If I "lend" someone money, I pretty much kiss it goodbye at that point. If it comes back later (and is has), then it's a pleasant surprise. If it doesn't, then it's not always "the elephant in the room" between us.
     
    #7
    Don Alaska and Tony Nathanson like this.
  8. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    24,402
    Likes Received:
    42,836
    On the one occasion I can remember when a friend asked me to lend them a significant amount of money, I told him that I would not, but that I would give it to him instead. He could repay it or not, but I didn't want him to put himself out to get the money back to me. I told my son something similar on the single occasion when he asked to borrow some money after he married and was on his own. Both of them repaid me, but I meant it when I told them that they didn't have to.
     
    #8
  9. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    22,873
    Likes Received:
    32,553
    I've loaned 2 brothers large sums of money and told them the same thing: pay it back if you're in a position to, but it's not a debt.

    -The first brother owned his own business (car repair shop) and needed the boost.
    -The second brother should have just crashed & burned for his own long-term good, but there were 2 little kids along for the ride.

    I know I'll never get the money back from the second brother. I suspect he's continued to bleed others dry.

    The first brother paid me back years later when he sold his business to retire. It was a windfall, since I had completely forgotten about it.
     
    #9
    Ken Anderson and Don Alaska like this.
  10. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2017
    Messages:
    8,821
    Likes Received:
    15,438
    Sleep with their spouse -- noooo not me nor hubby thank you.. but it does happen.
     
    #10
    Don Alaska and John Brunner like this.
  11. Tony Page

    Tony Page Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2021
    Messages:
    3,544
    Likes Received:
    8,460
    If they ask me for directions, forget it they're gone I have the worst GPS system. Ha

    I left a lot of friends in brooklyn When I left right after high school to move to Long Island. We Didn't have cell phones, so it was hard to keep in touch. Eventually, we just drifted apart. I haven't been in contact With any of them since the sixties.
    I did make new friends most from work but they're gone now also, Some past, others since retirement with no daily work contact, we communicate maybe once a year.
     
    #11
    Marie Mallery and John Brunner like this.
  12. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2018
    Messages:
    20,395
    Likes Received:
    42,521
    Exactly. Any breach of trust will end it for me.
     
    #12
  13. Tony Page

    Tony Page Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2021
    Messages:
    3,544
    Likes Received:
    8,460
    I agree, I also won't be tolerant of being undermined. Disagreeing with me is fine, but don't go out of your way, sabotage what i'm trying to do.
     
    #13
  14. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2015
    Messages:
    55,849
    Likes Received:
    23,463
    Criticize them constantly.
     
    #14
    Tony Page likes this.
  15. Kate Ellery

    Kate Ellery Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2015
    Messages:
    36,601
    Likes Received:
    8,085
    Lie …put downs …
     
    #15
    Tony Page likes this.

Share This Page