What Is The Best Way To Lose A Friend?

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Ken Anderson, Jul 8, 2023.

  1. Joy Martin

    Joy Martin Veteran Member
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    I just went thru a rather "heated" email exchange with a 29 yr long friend. In this friendship we had a few common things in common and more NOT common things. One big one is being born into affluency and NOT, I'm the Not.

    Over the years we have had some issues and I could have walked away but hung in and considered things.

    Yesterday is was political and I was excited when I sent her some Good info on DKT, I thought so anyway....she slammed him, called him a con and some other words I can't imagine saying but she lit into his persona. Didn't want to admit to the Mess that the Dems have done.....again she does NOT have a concern about finances...she was left some chunks by her parents deaths. I was left a little by mine.

    So now the Air is thick and I won't do anything for a while if and when.

    Sound like a story any of you have???

    Her big interests and hobbies are playing the stock market, taking a lot of technology classes while over my years it's been for me a lot of arts and crafts, painting, years of dancing and the beach here in So. Cal. She said she did the beach when she lived in Miami many yrs ago.
     
    #16
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2023
  2. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    I don't talk politics with friends because it has less to do with reality and more to do with personalities. I am fortunate to have one exception in my life, and we do not always agree...but our disagreements are based on objective data.

    The only other subject that is this way in my life is COVID/vaxes/masks.
     
    #17
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  3. Vada Bloom

    Vada Bloom Very Well-Known Member
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    I suppose either politics or religion is the easiest way and Covid would certainly be a third. I had a situation very similar to yours, Joy. My discussion was on the phone and it was the afternoon of January 6, 2021.

    This woman had been a “friend” for a few years (not nearly 29) and claimed to be a die hard conservative Trump supporter, like her husband. I knew that wasn’t so and tried not to talk politics with her when I could get out of it but she texted and called a lot, pretty much daily. So she called on the afternoon of the Capitol ‘riot’, not my word, but hers and she was really hyped up with horror that people had gone into the Capitol. I’ll spare you all the drama but the call ended with anger on both sides.

    I thought she’d probably get over it but I decided to just let it be. It was a month before she contacted me again and when she did it was by text. She didn’t mention what had happened but just picked up like always as though she had talked to me the day before instead of a month before. I didn’t respond. I wanted to think about it. I slept on it and the next morning I tried to look at her Facebook page and saw I had been blocked. It was her decision and I’m ok with it. I might have felt guilty had I blocked her so this was the best solution.

    Edited to correct date.
     
    #18
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2023
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  4. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
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    Talking with family or friends about politics or religion causes problems. That is why even on here I avoid those topics most of the time. It is not worth the anger and hurt it causes at times. @Joy Martin and @Vada Bloom - as long as your friend meets all your other requirements, tell them 'hey just because we don't agree on things is no reason to give up on our long time friendship.' If they still ignore you,I would move on. Perhaps they are not the friends you had they were.
     
    #19
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  5. Marie Mallery

    Marie Mallery Veteran Member
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    My best friend hasn't seen a vac she didn't like so we don't discuss them except she will say,' we had tro get our booster today' or something like that. She knows we don't take them but not swaying you shouldn't of course. Jakes brother says we are killers,lol. We don't get around anyone to infect them so not possible.
     
    #20
  6. Vada Bloom

    Vada Bloom Very Well-Known Member
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    Hedi, that’s good advice and I would usually agree but in this woman’s case it’s better for me to leave the situation as is. We had been casual friends for a few years but during the pandemic she was off work with nothing to do so our interactions became too frequent.

    In Joy’s case the friend was of long standing so she may well feel differently.

    Fortunately, the vaccine and mask discussions have gone better for me. We have all views within our extended family but no one has been angry about it.
     
    #21
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  7. Joy Martin

    Joy Martin Veteran Member
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    It's been basically GOOD, ups and downs and the main issue I'm understanding now more than ever, we were born on the opposite sides of the tracks. She from wealth and privlege and me, blue collar dad and hard work I took pride in doing for 40 yrs. I had no help, some child support from divorce and a few yrs of spousal support and that's been it.

    She has been given so much from parents and last gift was a great auto from her dad.....and some great financial benefits from her parents' properties.... She knows I struggle and it would have been a nice gesture to offer me a small bit of doe re me.... If I came into a lot of money and had a struggling friend I would offer some help...

    I am not jealous for a second but she will never understand my life and I can understand her's....

    Could be too this turn in our friendship is due to covid issues...

    I'm not feeling too much of a loss, but wish it were not happening... I may add more later...
     
    #22
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2023
  8. Joy Martin

    Joy Martin Veteran Member
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    My long time friend that may be in the past soon, she talked about her Independent party and when I woke up during covid, and became an Independent, I got toooooo conservative and she hung more liberal and that became a wedge...
     
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  9. Joy Martin

    Joy Martin Veteran Member
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    There are SO MANY ways to lose friends and or acquaintances....

    Marriage, Divorce, Moving, Death, Planning (which I believe I'm in right now), Big Differences there are more but I'll stop for now.
     
    #24
  10. Tony Nathanson

    Tony Nathanson Very Well-Known Member
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    When I was in my 20's, I didn't want to acknowledge some negative traits with my friends, so I overlooked them. As I got older, I became much less forgiving & dumped several (so-called) friends.
     
    #25
  11. Joy Martin

    Joy Martin Veteran Member
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    When I was in my 20's I didn't make waves and hardly knew who I was, but at this old age time, I make waves within reason and do not set out to hurt anyone, but to speak my mind on many issues.
     
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  12. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
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    I lost quite a few friends when I quit drinking.
     
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  13. Von Jones

    Von Jones Supreme Member
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    Why do you want her to understand your life? Covid? Jealous may be not envious maybe. Ending of a friendship shouldn't be based on any of these things. Betrayal, hurtful acts, distrust would end a friendship to me.
     
    #28
  14. Don Alaska

    Don Alaska Supreme Member
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    I think I have lost the friendship of an old Navy buddy. We were once very close, and he was the Best Man at our wedding, but we have grown apart both is distance and philosophy. He has accepted Israel's side of the war hook, line and sinker, so when I pointed out that the story is more complicated (not necessarily disagreeing), I think he wrote me off.
     
    #29
  15. Von Jones

    Von Jones Supreme Member
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    "Think" being the key word here I hope for your friendship. Friends have a right not to like what you say.
     
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