When Friend Or Family Member Refuses To Understand

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Nov 20, 2023.

  1. Andrea Lindsey

    Andrea Lindsey Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2023
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    258
    True, there's those "adverse" laws where someone else can build on your land and maybe keep it after ten years, but you have to be gone and they have to be ignorant of who owns it (we have plenty of ignorance. ;)) My brother bought 100 beautiful acres in 1973, never built on it, and had no problems.

    Long ago they discovered natural gas wells on my grandmother's land. She left the mineral rights to my cousins and me. Sometimes we get a big official check for 14 cents.
     
    #31
    John Nopales and Bobby Cole like this.
  2. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    24,397
    Likes Received:
    35,274
    That's a weird thing about West Virginia. The surface property and what's underneath can be deeded separately.
     
    #32
    John Nopales and Bobby Cole like this.
  3. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2018
    Messages:
    21,295
    Likes Received:
    44,899
    That is not unique to WV by a long shot. Many states have mineral rights laws (TX, AK, OK, LA, etc.)

    ETA--and I suppose the mineral rights discussion belongs elsewhere. :D Sorry, Cody.
     
    #33
    Bobby Cole and John Brunner like this.
  4. Mary Stetler

    Mary Stetler Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 30, 2021
    Messages:
    6,880
    Likes Received:
    12,774
    Why doesn't your wife just take her to lunch for girl talk and then say bye. You don't have to have her to your home. I don't let people in unannounced unless I want to. Put your coat on before you open the door and say you were just leaving.
    Of course I have no friends but....
     
    #34
    John Nopales and John Brunner like this.
  5. John Brunner

    John Brunner Senior Staff
    Staff Member Senior Staff Greeter Task Force Registered

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    24,397
    Likes Received:
    35,274
    I've got 3 siblings I've put on formal written legal notice to stay away. So far (8 years) it's worked. But since they're the kind of people I [unfortunately] had to do that with, there are no guarantees. I should have done it a long time ago with others as well, but I waited for their Expiry Dates to hit. Those three cannot coming back.

    That "girl talk" likely would not work with someone who is aware that she has no boundaries and enjoys doing what she does under the cover of "family." People who use us do not deserve our consideration, other than for us to have a clean conscious when we do what we gotta do.
     
    #35
    John Nopales likes this.
  6. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    12,968
    Likes Received:
    9,017
    Basically speaking, my wife doesn't go anywhere without me with her. To a point, my wife doesn't even want to see her sister right now (at her birthday).
     
    #36
  7. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    12,968
    Likes Received:
    9,017
    So far, as of yesterday, Thursday 1-11, SIL hasn't mentioned anything about her coming out here. But..........
     
    #37
  8. Mary Stetler

    Mary Stetler Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 30, 2021
    Messages:
    6,880
    Likes Received:
    12,774
    That is kind of sad especially at our age that you people have no life separate from each other, including just a lunch out.
    I have finally gotten my hubby to go out for lunch with the old bulls here. They talk football or whatever. No estrogen. He even goes to the store when I haven't gotten him what he wants for a long time. I wanted him to learn to do this--although doughnuts and various other sundries are not on the food pyramid.
    If something happens to me, he still doesn't really have a clue what to do but I am slowly getting him into the shallow end.
    I have lost a beloved. Emotionally it is horrible and debilitating. It can crush either the wife or the husband. And if they are chained at the wrists and ankles, it is worse. A circle of your own friends can cushion the blow if family is not close. And it is not easy to develop a gaggle of friends when newly widowed.
     
    #38
  9. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    12,968
    Likes Received:
    9,017
    We aren't so-called "chained" at the wrists/ankles. However, we do most things together, but, when I have a VA Medical appointment, she doesn't go with me. The appointment is during the week when she is working. I don't have any buddies and she doesn't have any girlfriends. It's just the way our marriage is. We love each others company. So, why don't we have any friends? Because we just can't find anyone, and I do mean "anyone", that has the same interests that we do in rodeo, boating, fishing or whatever. Neither of us want any friends that smoke or cuss and that simply our choice.

    I have plenty of "me time" when she is working in our spare bedroom and she feels the same way when she is working.

    She had a girlfriend some years ago, but when that girlfriend starting putting down farmers and ranchers on the phone, we both decided "enough is enough". We don't call her and visa-versa.
     
    #39
    Jenna Parnellson likes this.
  10. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    12,968
    Likes Received:
    9,017
    Well, I'm learning and I do mean "I'm learning" how to handle the persistent SIL (wife's older sister). She sent us an Instant Message stating she can get a Resort room (Time Share) in Vegas for $99 for 3/days/2 nights "when do you want me to come?". We had already told her that it's too cold here to do anything and that my her sister can't take any time off right now. She wants to get away from where she lives, even if her 2-bedroom costs her about $4.000 per month, or whatever, so bad.

    So, Saturday evening, while we are getting ready to eat dinner at a big buffet, she calls. I didn't answer, because I knew what the conversation was going to be about. She didn't leave a message either. And, I didn't send her a picture of us having dinner, like I have before. So, all day yesterday I had my phone on MUTE. My wife told me, "now that's the way you handle her". However, sooner or later, we will have to talk to her and her visit will be brought up by her and we will tell her again, "it's too cold and Nancy can't take any time off of work right now."
     
    #40
  11. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2017
    Messages:
    9,225
    Likes Received:
    16,132
    @Mary Stetler - even though you are correct - everyone need space. We get our space in spurts. otherwise in 33 years we have been a part once for a week. We like each other way more than um other couples at least.
    @Cody Fousnaugh - you are not alone.
     
    #41
  12. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2017
    Messages:
    9,225
    Likes Received:
    16,132
    Just wait- you do not set your foot down NOW - she will be moving soon.
    In answer to her question ... She can come when she is invited.
     
    #42
  13. Jacob Petersheim

    Jacob Petersheim Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2024
    Messages:
    549
    Likes Received:
    1,026
    You can be extremely close when BANG out of the blue there is a misinterpretation and the result is suddenly irrevocable. I think that even if you could let them plug their head into yours and root around they would never be satisfied that their judgement was wrong.
     
    #43
  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    12,968
    Likes Received:
    9,017
    Well, we were able to spend my wife's birthday together. Not necessarily what the SIL wanted, but we had fun together. However, we have agreed to have her come out in the middle of March. That may, or may not, be the last time we see her before we make our move to northwestern Nevada. She still doesn't want to accept that we are moving again, but, like I told my wife "that's her problem" and wife agreed. We simply aren't happy here. No other way to put it. Make a visit up north, come home, sell our boat, pick an apartment there to rent and finish getting ready for the move.

    Actually, if it was up to SIL, she'd LOVE to have us move back to So California and live very close to her. My wife has told me multiple times, "absolutely no way!".

    It's like I've said to numerous folks, when they ask why we don't live close to family, "not all families get along" and that's very true with us and our families.
     
    #44
    Jenna Parnellson likes this.
  15. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2017
    Messages:
    9,225
    Likes Received:
    16,132
    Wen my MIL kept hinting how nice it would be if we rented the house next to them :
    I said to her- I love you, I just don't love you that much. She admired my honesty :)
     
    #45

Share This Page