My half-brother text me yesterday asking how we were and did he offend us. He did call one time, a couple of weeks ago, and left a message, but I didn't call him back. The last two times he has called, I haven't answered and he didn't leave a voice message. I texted him back and told we were fine and what my MRI stated. I also told him that I really don't want to talk about cancer or my diagnosis until after I have a biopsy. He sent me a text back stating, "thanks for letting us know and keep in touch". He didn't tell me how his treatment is going and I didn't ask. Apparently him and his wife have to stay at their home in PA for his treatments and he absolutely hates snow. Him and his wife are "Snowbirds" and have a winter home at Spring Hill, Florida (Gulf Coast side of Florida).
My SIL (wife's older sister) sent us an Instant Message on Thanksgiving telling us that she has a terrible cough and doesn't feel good at all. Thing is, she is at her older daughter's home for Thanksgiving with some family members of both of her daughters there. IOW, guess for her, having Thanksgiving with them, and possibly giving them what she has, is ok with her. She is THIS sick and still insists on being around these family members??? We don't get it, but that's just the way she is. I told her, thru Instant Messaging, "Sure hope you get rid of whatever you have before coming to see us in the middle of next month (December)." She didn't have much to say, other than "I'm going home tomorrow (Friday) and get some sleep." She should know that, when a person has a terrible cough, unless they take an OTC cough medicine, sleep can't occur very easily. I told my wife, "She comes to see us, and still has this cough, I'll refuse to see her or be around her." My wife agrees, but would like to see her older sister.
@Cody Fousnaugh - your a better person than me .. I could be very upset at the very idea -seems selfish and rude to me
What can we say, Hedi, most of the time no matter how bad she feels, she loves being around her grandkids and daughters on holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Guess "spreading" whatever she has just doesn't bother her. For the last number of years, since her husband passed, she has the mindset of "I'll do what I want and nobody will tell me I can't or shouldn't."
good for Her- but ya'll don't have to bow to her demands. If you and wife do go around her- wear a mask or ask her to
She told us, thru Instant Messaging on our iPhone, "I've been getting rest/sleep and doing better". We sure hope so, because her, and her youngest daughter, only have two weeks until they arrive here. The aren't staying with us. They are staying at a Timeshare in Vegas.
Well, my wife's older sister is still at it! When I told her about my bad sore throat last week and what I was doing about it, she messaged us back and said "my doctor has given me a clean bill of health". Well, that wasn't entirely true, if possibly, true at all. Her and her daughter got to their Timeshare in Vegas yesterday and checked in. I was feeling good enough, from three days of saltwater gargling and using Cepacol lozenges, for my wife and I to meet them at South Point Hotel/Casino. When we got there, it didn't take us very long to hear her coughing. She told us, "My doctor told me that my cough isn't contagious". Her cough wasn't allergy related, that was for sure, but her daughter (our niece), told us that her little bit of coughing was allergy related. We had dinner at the Buffet and where does the SIL sit..........right next to me (at the end of the table)! I was doing ok, but in the back of my mind, very worried. We wound up going to a large Viewing Room to watch the last rodeo of the National Finals. We got a nice size 1/2 round one and she sat across from wife and I, but still continue with her coughing spells. In our vehicle coming home, my wife told me "I don't know why, but she just doesn't seem to be taking care of herself". At home, before going to bed, I done a saltwater gargle and took a Tylenol. Except for a couple of urination times, I slept descent last night. Yes, we are seeing them today, they are coming to our apartment. However, we didn't think about doing this last night, but will do this today: When she starts coughing, we will offer her a Cepacol or Halls. If she doesn't want it, that will definitely tell us something. She didn't take anything last night for her cough. My wife and I don't like it, but she simply doesn't seem to care about being sick/coughing and getting around family or others. We haven't been getting around people, until yesterday afternoon/evening and my throat was in much, much better shape than it was this past Wednesday.
During COVID, I picked up 2 tricks for keeping all flu bugs at bay: 1- After I've been around people during flu season, I come home and gargle (do not swallow) with a mouthwash that contains Cetylpyridinium. Most--but not all--mouthwashes contain it. (Scope, ACT, and Crest brands do. I don't believe that Walmart's brand does.) It kills viruses. 2- I also carry a specific type of nasal spray that kills the viruses in your nasal passages before they take hold. I take a couple of hits as soon as I get out to my car. The nasal sprays that do this contain xylitol and grapefruit seed extract. You can only get them on the web...they are not available in stores. At least, none of the many nasal sprays at my Walmart contain either xylitol or grapefruit seed extract. Single bottle for $10.49 4 pak for $40 I rarely get a cold or the flu, and when I do, it's very mild and goes away in 1-2 days. But COVID had me concerned, so I started doing the above certain times of the year as a precaution. Both the mouthwash and the nasal spray are cited in early COVID Treatment protocols...they work on flu viruses as well.
I have 3 siblings that I had to threaten legal action with if they contact or come near me. I should have done it years ago. That being said, it's not an easy thing to do. And most of the world will crap on the person who has been pushed into doing such a thing, because "family."
We'd never/ever do that to my wife's sister, but we do limit the amount of time we see her when she visits us nowadays. We really wish she would have some "common sense" about being sick/coughing and being around us, but she absolutely loves being around family and not staying at home. She pays some $4,000 per month for her apartment, but hates staying there.
If I had a relative who could afford $4,000 a month rent PLUS all of life's other living expenses, I'd find a way to like her I may have standards, but I'm also a realist.
How can she afford that, you might ask. Well, she rents out her 2-bedroom condo and that pays for most of her current 2-bedroom in a 55 Plus complex. She is also a retired Special Education teacher with a nice Pension.
After a few very sick times from family, I don't mind telling them if your sick don't visit. If they act offended, I just ask them, how would they like a dose of very bad flu, if they say not at all, I tell them that's how it is with Seniors, we don't heal as fast and get twice as sick for longer. it could be deadly for us. I protect them from our cigarettes, have no smoking area on other side of the porch, haven't smoked in the house in 45 years. My 2 daughters, son 3 grands are planning to come down mid Jan. And I remined her that is the height of flu season, she said, I know if anyone's sick we won't visit. Not visiting or making us sick is not mean or rude.
Birth order in even healthy systems drives a lot of stuff, much less that dynamic in mentally ill systems. The first-born are the sole focus of the parents' behaviour, while those who come along later get a diluted percentage of the parents' issues but are subject to the anger of the abused first born.