Being a girl of the 50's, I grew up being taught by my parents to be true to myself. I remember my Dad writing in my yearbook at high school graduation "I wish for you what you wish for yourself". Not sure at that age (who was?) what I wanted, I was pointed in the right direction, continued my education (for awhile) and got a good job. i met my husband, we married and after several years of marriage, it hit me that what I really wanted was to start a family and devote myself to the job of raising my children. My husband agreed with me. I quit my job and to this day, never regretted it. At that time, I did not feel a pressure from society that I was not " fulfilling" myself. However, as the years went on, I was definitely getting the vibes that I was not a total person. Well, poo on that. I raised 3 beautiful children who are smart and well adjusted, have a good marriage and would do the same thing over again. I do not, and never did, put down those women who chose to do otherwise. But I wonder how much pressure from society is on women today to not even think of choosing a "family" career. I understand there are financial concerns to be taken into consideration but what else? A friend once told me she told her daughter she had to be able to "take care of herself financially" in case her husband left her. This was before the girl even had a boyfriend! I personally know a few very successful career women who have young families, and I think, would love to put the career on hold and devote their time to their family. It's not financial holding them back but something else. Any ideas?
More times than not, it's all about money today. Nice house, car, perhaps a boat and definitely Disney Cruises or trips. A lot of what goes on today, didn't happen, at least as much as it does today, in our "day and age". Today, a husband has to make a certain salary for the wife to be a "stay at home mom" and that can be difficult. We know a widower, with two University educated sons. Both have engineering degrees, have a nice house for their family and make an excellent salary. Actually, they make much, much more than their dad ever did.
Agreed. I know the type. Call me old-fashioned but I'd rather do without the boat than miss out on being there for my babies. Sure, we all want nice things and we saved for them, but does the quest nowadays never end?
Well, the widower that we know, his wife was a full-time "stay-at-home" mom to their two sons. He had an excellent paying job working for Ford Motor Company and retired from them. They have multiple boats, house in Florida and Michigan and a lake cottage in Michigan. Them, and their boys, young at the time, went on numerous Cruises. The family really lived the "good life", that many have, and still have. Others may not want the "good life" for whatever reasons. But, when the husband can work, and make an excellent salary, and have his wife stay at home and take care of the kids, why not want that? Both of their boys University education was fully paid for by their dad and now the boys are experiencing the "good life", like their parents did. And, no, it will never end! There will always be those that will quest for the "good life" and many will have it..............and, enjoy it.
Are you sure it's not ultimately financial? If they took time off, it's not likely they could go back to the same job with the same pay and retirement benefits. Life usually gets much more expensive near the end, unless you get hit by a bus. Hard to plan for.
When two-income families became more common, real estate prices just inflated to absorb the extra income. Not much was gained when two incomes became the norm except that children were abandoned to others to raise. My wife worked of and on part time jobs while the kids were small, but her principal vacation was to raise the children. We were homeschoolers for 22 years.
Was fortunate enough to have landed a good job after college and forever. My wife never had to work with our 5 kids and they were appreciative. When our youngest reached her teen years my wife did part-time to have something different.
All six of our children have become single income families for most of their marriages. One daughter now works as a sheriff's deputy now that her children are mostly grown and can handle themselves. The other 5 are still single incomes, and 3 are homeschooled families.
Women used to be pressured to stay at home in the kitchen or the bedroom. Now they are free to choose if they want to stay at home or prosper in the workplace. Thank God.
[QUOTE="Shirley Martin, Women used to be pressured to stay at home in the kitchen or the bedroom. Now they are free to choose if they want to stay at home or prosper in the workplace. How about "free to choose if they want to prosper at home or prosper in the workplace"?
Yup. I've said it often myself. This is a huge part of what took the decision out of couples' hands. We've all lived through the transition of the stay-at-home mom. I've posted my own cynical take on the changed state of relationships once people were given choices, and how marriages once "lasted" merely because people (especially women) were trapped. Then de-stigmatizing divorce giveth choices and taketh away others. My mother entered the workforce for the first time in her life in her 40s with 3 children at home after my parents split up...she had to. But theirs was a horrible marriage (hence my cynical take on marriages staying intact--or even being a good thing--"no matter what.") There's always been someone's thumb on the scale of this subject of marriage and family structure one way or another...those motivated to destroy the institution of marriage versus legacy "societal norms" promoting it. Heck, I've been on the sarcastic receiving end of it all of my life as a single man (divorced since my 20s) whose never been interested in remarrying. I don't know if women are also subject to it these days, or if they get pats on the back for being "empowered." There has been lots of denigration of the stay-at-home mom for having "unfulfilling lives"...but work is also unfulfilling most of the time for most of us. Most people don't "prosper in the workplace." Most people wish they were somewhere else much of the time, or they feel unappreciated, or they think they are not being treated fairly. There are no perfect choices. Denigrating (or even influencing) anyone for such personal life choices is a horrid thing to do, especially when it's a lie based on [destructive] ulterior motives. Anyone can sell a flawed concept of "perfect" when all people really know is the imperfect reality of their current state of affairs. I've gotta add that I worked with a woman who few people liked. She thought she was a rabid feminist but she was just an unhappy woman. A coworker (Chris) was pregnant with her second or third child and had decided to be a full time mom. You could tell how happy (almost relieved) Chris was with that decision. Gail The Cantankerous actually called Chris out in a staff meeting for being "a traitor!" I never expected to see such a thing in person...it was ugly. No one there was impressed. But there was something that gave Gail permission to say such a thing, and that made Chris hesitant to show her happiness with her decision.
My wife has never been "trapped", as she had a professional life before we married, and I made sure that our daughters had educations they could fall back on should they need to, either from need due to a bad decision or widowhood. I think there has been a war waged on the free will of women since the 1970's under the guise of "Liberation". They are "liberated" by freeing them from the choices they wish to make for themselves. The current pressure is to get them into science STEM careers, whether they want that or not. They are being pressured into fields they don't want to support the Sisterhood".
Dunno. Flip a coin. Whereas not too long ago it was improbable that a lady would enter into careers as doctors, engineers or even heavy equipment operators, in the free world women can reach for that formerly nearly forbidden brass ring with comparative ease. The stigma of being either a mommy, nurse or teacher is still on the table but those options are on a table with many other options. The idea of marriage and daddy being the bread winner and mommy the caretaker of the home which further emphasized a head / heart oriented home is pretty much a yesterday practice and replaced with marriage and children being placed on the back burner in lieu of a career. Teachers and day care centers have taken the place of parental care which gives mothers further room to push for the top of their chosen careers. Note: I’m not advocating for one train of thought or the other but merely stating an observation. I guess where I see the most pressure being placed on females is among the single mothers. Society’s seeming nod of approval for the destruction of the “nuclear” family has brought with it a lot of baggage including lack-luster men with a propensity for skipping from partner to partner and leaving in the wake a lot of government dependent women with children.